(DPRK Officials Ready to Take Names and Numbers)
U.S. president Obama urges Americans to be cheerful and optimistic now that his disastrous presidency comes to its ignominious end.
U.S. economy crashes as generations of perpetual children forsake work, marriage, and family for pursuit of imaginary telephone goblins.
Donald Trump-Hillary Clinton contest motivates US voters to choose their doom by fiery annihilation or slow decay, as with a cancerous tumor
Heroic computer vandals of Wicker Leeks awarded Red Banner of Merit, Second Class, for various services to united Korean peoples.
US president Obama implores America to entrust nuclear launch codes to woman described as negligent and slipshod with mere electronic mails.
Farmers in South Pyongan Province lauded for producing world’s most militant potatoes as Potato Revolution continues.
US president Barack Obama to campaign for Hillary Clinton as candidate best able to continue legacy of corruption, incompetence, and strife.
Greased and oily English reporter Piers Morgan derided as fawning anus-sniffer to cretins.
Former United States Chief Warlord Bill Clinton involved in new corruption of some sort, to surprise of no one except U.S. newspapers.
US celebrity astrologer Neil Degrasse Tyson is called first-class idiot of highest distinction, for false prophecies and gassy bloviations.
Slothful laziness and habit of gorging mouths with rich foods to blame for western obesity epidemic, according to latest scientific findings
English labour party leader Jeremy Corbyn denounced as human sore, oozing with pus, and rightist lackwit, for deviations from true socialism
English war criminal David Cameron escapes death, is sentenced to work for 100 years as “cow flop disposal technician” on collective farm.
Bankers and fund managers of London ordered to report to collective farms by English revolution government, for reform through manual labour
Reward for capture and arrest of English traitor dog David Cameron is set at ten million Won.
Half of United States Congress vows to sit on floor, doing nothing. Entire world wishes other half would join them.
US celebrates “National Onion Ring Day,” yet another empty holiday meant to distract slaves from daily horror of their meaningless lives.
US boasts of tolerance for homo-sexuals exposed as empty prattle, as US ally Saudi Arabia routinely executes such people without reproach.
Donald Trump speech on the thousand infamies, treasons, and villainies of alcoholic hag Hillary Clinton is not expected to break new ground.
US cities are called “Food Deserts” in which only unnatural foods are sold. DPRK markets sell only natural, additive and pesticide free food
English prime minister David Cameron said to be man of equal parts ridiculousness and pomposity, eclipsed only by ignorance and dishonor.
U.S. city of Los Angeles evacuated, due to fires caused by negligent forestry practices of corrupt and incompetent gangster Barack Obama.
As European exit vote approaches, doomed prime minister David Cameron makes plans to flee for Belgium on raft of discarded cheese boxes.
United States celebrates “National Selfie Day,” confirming perception of America as land of shallow narcissists and psychopathic braggarts.
Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un offers millionaire Donald Trump four tons of buckwheat and use of a private bicycle to assist in campaign expense
Marshal Kim Jong-Un sends gift of scissors and ceramic bowl to Canadian president Justin Trudeau, to assist with long-needed haircut.
Backlash predicted against United States Muslims after last terror attack now expected to materialize after next terror attack, experts say.
Population of suspected terrorists in United States now exceeds population of Indonesia and Chad.
New mass shooting has United States press eager to continue shooter’s work by encouraging living Americans to blame one another.